Honoring greatness with the Nurtured Heart Approach®
Tammy (Small) Fisher, M.Ed. and Certified Advanced Nurtured Heart Trainer
 
 
 
What if you went about your entire life trying to bring forth the ‘greatness’ in every person you met? You would stop and notice. You would honor and name every great thing you saw, so enamored by their gifts and the values they exhibit in the way they live.  One of the qualities which I know to be fairly strong in myself is a core faith that all people are good; that while they may not manifest it in their actions consistently, it lies within them – perhaps untapped, unrecognized even by themselves.  They have let their mirror reflect only what others have said about them, what negative beliefs they have owned about the world, themselves, and their journey.  They live in their problems and their past. Yet I know each person has the best of intentions: the best intention to be the best of themselves that they can.  They fall short when their brain goes right to the anger/fear/worry that is often their first thought in a new situation, or one where experience taught them to not trust.  They have forgotten to be enamored with themselves.  
 
Imagine the power they posses, you possess if you were to live as though you were great. You are great.  To honor your greatness always.  This life is not about survival but about living.  Not a discovery process – a recovery process of your ultimate greatness, that has been there all along.
 
Think now of the people who move you.  Those who seem to have some light which draws you and others in – those who seem to be closer to the source the way a small child does in his simplicity.  Are these people actively participating in feeding their greatness?  I believe so.
 
Wayne Dyer (a famous Christian author),  in his book Inspiration, cites some research done on the powerful impact of honoring people verbally .  What he has learned is this: when someone hears a compliment, his or her levels of serotonin soar.  This is a neurotransmitter which is responsible for joy and satisfaction and happiness (reduced amounts of this in our brains, triggers depression). Additionally, the researchers have studied both the giver of the compliment and the witnesses and found the same results.  Chemically we are altered by the simple gift of a compliment, the recognition of our greatness.
 
So before we can begin to impact the souls and journeys of others, we must begin with the difficult part of ourselves.  We must – we must – learn to accept our own greatness.  FEARLESSLY accept your greatness.  Often it is easy to find the beauty, depth, and shine in other people.  When we aim our hearts and actions and words on them, shine our light on their greatness, name it, be specific, we are often noticing the very qualities which, we ourselves possess, but fail to shine.  
 
Are we to create a world of arrogant, braggarts who tout their horn? Yes, I think, we shall.  The difference is that we don’t need to defend our greatness by naming all our gifts in public.  When we do this, it often comes from our insecurities about ourselves: see me – I can do this, I am this.  Rather, we name them to ourselves – we accept them in ourselves – and the observations of others.  We acknowledge that this is hard – to see how great and powerful we are.  But we know we cannot begin to impact change on the world, on the people we touch in our lives, if we are not firmly affirming to our OWN greatness.  Say to yourself  “I am great.” Then risk to name what is great about you (compassionate, brave, patient, tolerant, positive, funny, flexible, risk-taking, etc.) Keep going.  Your list is endless.
 
“What about when I am not great?”  Ah, that is just your old loop of negative self-bashing.  It does not serve you to focus on your flaw.  Reset.  Refresh.  Let it go.  Bless and release.  Change your default setting.   For many, it can be a struggle to focus on your greatness, to stop your negative loop.  Fan the flames of greatness in you.  It’s a stretch, but you are stretching.  Your negative thoughts exist, but you no longer are giving them power over you.
Now …
 
Imagine what this power, this light, this internal shine would do for a child who REALLY believes in his/her own greatness.  If a child (or an adult) has this inner wealth, they would never harm themselves. They would think they rock, they would value themselves, they would know their importance in the world.  Imagine nurturing the soul of a child so nothing could stop them in their relentless pursuit of the positives.  This is a way of relating to children which gives all your energy on their positive qualities and choices and efforts.  And rewards none of their negative choices.  This is us in relationship with every person’s best side – soaking them in their greatness.  
 
 
All this sounds so mushy and oozy and well, basically, simple.  Our soul cries to be fed.  Our spirit sings to be aligned with our soul.  And our children’s most of all.  Give no energy to anything that drains.  Set rules.  Remove all emotion from broken ones – no lectures about problems.  The only problem is the child’s inability to recognize his greatness – and our inability to be consistent in pointing this out.   Do not tell a child who you want them to be – or become – as this implies that they are not enough as they are.  “They could be great – except..”  They are great.  Tell them how you see this.
 
You are great.  Here is how I see you being great… This is what I love about you…  Don’t believe it works?  True transformation can occur in a 10-minute conversation.  Flood the person you work with.  Overload your in-law.  Dunk the head of your child in the full focus of your wild appreciation of their amazing gifts.  The things you think – but don’t say.  The things you tell other people.  Let go of the worry of the things they do ‘wrong’.  Start by helping them see all they do right.  Have no ‘buts’ and ask for nothing in return.  Do it again.  And again.  Text them, email them, brag about them in front of them.  But they are impatient.  They are sloppy.  They swear at me. How can I let go of what I need them to do differently? Give no attention to any of their negativity.  They receive a payoff every time you do.  You are their favorite toy.  They know all your buttons.  And when you respond with energy, they get rewarded.  Reward only what is positive.  
 
“I so appreciate the way you are looking at me when we are talking.”
 
“I know this is uncomfortable for you.  You could be yelling or swearing.  But you are not doing any of this.”
 
Then name the quality you admire in them:
 
“This shows me what amazing self-control you have.  I see you being so angry, but you are containing it so responsibly.  I am so impressed by your maturity.”
 
“You are showing me amazing respect even when you are frustrated.”  
 
And so you begin to change the way you relate to them – see them – honor them. And the transformation of the most important relationships in your life begins.  Because you see and live greatness.  Only greatness.
 
 
Beginning with Yourself
 
Honoring Greatness -